It was dark outside, so i decided to hurry home before something happens to me. I was carrying a glass bottle on my way home. My friend had given it to me today at school, but i didn't know why. The bottle felt light, and carried nothing in it. Maybe i could use it to store water? Nah, maybe it was for something else. I continued walking. I turned around the corner and i felt something hit my back. It felt like a baseball bat,but it didnt hurt as much. I fell to the ground face first,and my eyes got blurry, and i saw blood flowing onto the ground. I slowly closed my eyes and everything blacked out. I woke up a few hours later, but i didn't know what time it was because i couldn't see my cellphone. Was i dreaming? no it felt like a dream, but then again it feels real. I looked around and found myself sitting on something. It felt like wood, and it had arms on both sides. Of course, i was sitting on a chair. I looked on both sides, but didnt see any trees or side walks. Was i in a room? But where? I didn't see any windows nor did i see the door to the room.
I remembered being hit by something hard. I reached for my head to feel if i was still bleeding. I felt something wrapped around my head. It was a bandage. It felt tight around my head, but at least the blood wasn't dripping on my clothes. At least i hope not. I wonder who tied it on for me. Was it the person that hit me? I got off the chair and tried to feel my way to the walls of the room. I then remembered. Where was my bottle? I turned back around and tried to find the chair i was sitting on, but i couldn't find it. I Tripped on something hard. It felt like a rock. I tried to feel my way on the floor. I felt something. Was it the rock i tripped on? I picked it up, but i couldn't even see my hands because the room was so dark. It felt rough on the surface. I put it back down and continued to find the chair. That's when i bumped my head onto comething stiff. Was it the Chair? No it didnt feel like it. It felt longer then the chair i was sitting on. And onthe bottom felt like a brush. Was it a broom? I picked myself up and took the broom. I used the broom as if i was blind. I used it to find my way around. I felt the broom tap something. Was it my bottle? I bent down to pick it up. No it was a piece of glass. Maybe it was part of the bottle i was holding. The glass didn't feel dusty. It still felt fresh. I touched around the glass, and accidently cut myself with it. I dropped the glass and felt blood coming out of my finger. I didnt have any bandages with me, so i continued to search for my bottle. I felt the broom hit something hard. I continued walking and bumped into something flat and tall. It was a wall! At last. I dropped the broom and used the wall as my guide to find the light switch. I moved along the wall , but i didnt feel any light switch nor any doors. The walls felt rocky and it hurt my hands. After one hour of searching for a light, i couldn't find anything. i gave up and sat down on the floor leaning against the wall. i heard the sound of dogs and a footstep followed by a creaking sound.
I looked around the room, but what was the use if i couldn't see anything. It must be outside, but it sounded so near. Like it was inside the room. I felt my body overflow with goosebumps. I took a deep breath and stood up. The room smelled of dust, and it was making me cough. Then i heard another cough, but it wasn't from me. I stopped for a second and my legs started shaking. I heard a dogs bark, but i knew that wasn't in the room. It was outside. i heard the floor creak, but i wasn't walking. I wanted to say something, but i couldn't find the right words to say. I took one step and felt myself kick something. I looked down and picked what i had kicked. It felt like a pillow. It was soft and fluffy. It felt like how the pillow i slept on at home felt like, but i couldn;t think straight because i had a feeling that i wasn't the only one in this room. Just the i heard another creak on the floor. I felt someones hands puch against my shoulders. I fell backwards and hit my head on the wall. My head felt a little pain. I wasn't sure if it was the bat that hit me, or when my head hit those rough walls. Did i just blackout? I'm not sure since the room was so dark, i couldn't tell at all. I woke up finding myself back in my room. Was i dreaming? No it felt too real, but the bandage wasn't on my head anymore. and the finger i had cut was bandaged. I saw The bottle my friend gave me right next to me. There was also dust on my shoulders. Was it from the guy who had pushed me earlier? I got up and looked at my pillow which had tiny drops of blood. It was from my head which was hit earlier. I saw the bandage that was wrapped around my head right in the palms of my hand. Who had saved me?
First thing: paragraphs, paragraphs, paragraphs! Find places in the story where it needs to "breathe," such as the transition between scenes, moods, events, etcetera. Then make a line break between those parts. It should be an automatic habit to break your writing into paragraphs and in fact, in my class, the "wall of words" style of one giant paragraph like this doesn't receive credit!
ReplyDeleteLet me know when you've broken this into chunks and also if you need help doing so.